I’m usually that asshole who uses cloth diapers on his kid. Yes, it’s occasionally gross, but you know what’s grosser? That disgusting chemical smell of most disposable diapers, especially when it’s swirled in with the heady aroma of a tiny human’s excrement. Give me a cloth diaper and a poo-scraping knife any day of the week.
Sometimes, though, I have no choice but to use a disposable diaper, especially when we’re on the road. So I am very pleased that someone has designed a diaper that appeals both to my delicate ninny sensibilities and my stunted emotional maturity. I present to you the Honest Company’s Skull & Crossbones printed diaper.
It doesn’t stink like disinfectant, it comes in all sizes, and makes my kid the toughest and coolest of all the weird little slugs that are squirming on the floor, basically devoid of voluntary motor skills.
You can get them with sailboats or puppies or some shit, but why would you when you could get the very symbol of death on your sparkling bundle of new life? Buy them here, mateys.
The Fraudsters' Almanac 