Becoming an amazing poet – Part 1

Everybody is always encouraging me to write. A lot of times I just think “Pshhh, how about YOU write and tell me how you like it and I’ll be over here on Twitter”. But then there are other times when I take these words as not simply people trying to get me to get off of my fat ass and do something, but as actual words of encouragement. And then I get to thinking of how proud everybody would be of me if I were to become a really, really amazing poet.

When I was in elementary school, I won a couple of writing competitions for poetry. One was definitely for a Remembrance Day poem and I won $20 and felt so good about it. The poem probably had the word “blood” in it like twelve times. How great would it feel to win another $20? Pretty fucking great, probably! Alright, I’ve convinced me.

I’m going to become an amazing poet.

The first thing that I need to do is to write a poem. Which I’ve just done, incidentally. I’ll show you my first draft:

 

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“Why Behave?!”

Why shave?

Why bathe?

Why behave?
Should a man let self-maintenance make him a slave?

If he bucks expectation, will squares think him depraved?

Perhaps think about starting a hippie enclave…

Where the bathtubs are puddles and the streets are unpaved.

 

But no, I like smart phones and my microwave.

How else could I heat up the treats that I crave?

I think I’ll go down to Wendy’s… buy a burger from Dave.

Wait, who am I kidding? He’s dead in his grave.

 

I’ll just make something here, hit the porch and sunbathe

And think about the five or more bucks that I’ve saved,

And count all the gifts that our earth-mother gave.

While my armpits still smell and my beard is unscathed.

 

Because why shave?

Why bathe?

Why behave?

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Okay… that felt good. I’m starting to feel like I’ve wasted my life by only coming around to this now. But what do I know? Mostly nothing! You know who knows something?

Poets. That’s who knows something.

In order to make an honest run at this project, I’ve posted my poem to a couple of online poetry forums for feedback. In the next instalment of this series, I’ll post the results of their feedback and determine whether or not I actually need any more work before I’m an amazing poet, or if I’m already there and should just start on my collection now.

Pretty fitting that we recently celebrated the 400th birthday of the immortal bard. Flash-forward 400 years when June 2nd is MEEKS DAY.

…this is important.