Becoming an Amazing Poet – Part 2

Some months ago, I decided to embark on a journey of self-improvement that would result in my having become the world’s greatest living poet.

My plan – which consisted of writing a poem, spamming it to some poetry message boards and then waiting for the feedback to roll in – was a bad one. It turns out that in order to be taken seriously by online poetry communities, you need to participate actively in the community and give other people feedback. My feedback – one assumes – would be so withering that I don’t feel that it would be fair to do that to a bunch of hobbyists. 

Especially as I’ve just decided that poetry is my life. (Which is apparently a lifehack somehow?)


I’ve decided to take a different tack in my journey as a wordsmith, and I’ll need your help. I’ve decided that my real goal ought to be to master every type of poetry that there is. I figure that it’ll take me writing approximately … one of each. You know, in order to consider myself a master of each particular form.

I’ve located this list:

I’m going to work my way down, writing one of each type of poem. I’ll admit, I dread getting to the “E” section and having to write an Epic poem, but I have complete confidence in myself to complete this task without bailing on it (as bailing on things is something I never, ever do).

Where do you come in? I’d like your help workshopping these pieces! If you’re smart enough to read The Fraudsters’ Almanac, you’re surely smart enough to help me punch up a few poems! I’ve left the comments section open, so please – share your thoughts and suggestions with me.



That is what we look like, working on poetry together and enjoying wine and cheeses. You can have the cheese. I do not like it.

To kick things off, let’s do the first couple of forms off of the list. Exciting!

ABC Poetry
I’ve seen some variance in what is expected from an official ABC poem. I’m going to diverge from what the poetry forms website that I listed above says, because their definition seems like less fun that some other definitions. I was going to make an “already been chewed” poetry joke here, but I’ve decided that I’m better than that. Anyway, here is my poem.

Alright, already.
Boy, oh boy. This is off to a great start.
Couldn’t be more optimistic about my life as a poet!
Definitely on the right track, I think!
Even this ABC poem is going well, and I’m barely even trying.
For real.

Give me a minute, this is getting harder.
Holy. What was I thinking?
I’ve made a terrible choice.
Just terrible.
Kind of wish that I could stop right now.
Losing all interest in becoming a poet…

Maybe I should bring in some more literary devices?
Nothing like a little metaphor to spice things up.
Okay, what’s a good metaphor…?
Popcorn is a crunchy vacation.
Quick, forget I said that.
Really didn’t think that one through.

So many letters in the alphabet, goddamnit.
This is torture.
Very likely that people have already stopped reading.
Which means that I can say whatever I want!
XXX dirty-talk time!

I have decided to take up charcoal sketching as my main artistic focus, please do not comment on this post.



Author: markmeeks

squid goals

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